First Day Away!

Off . . . off . . . and away!!!!

Tonight is the first night that I will be away from my son. He's three months old tomorrow. AHHH! How this came about: This last week has been really hard for me. Michael use to sleep almost completely through the night until about two months. He hit a growth spurt and decided he needed to eat twice a night. Well, the problem with that was he got use to getting up twice a night, so I've had to put him back to sleep around 2 am every night since then. But this last week has been horrible. He didn't want to sleep, would wake up around 11, cry and fuss, wake up again around 2, then at 3:30, then at 5 some night. He was just generally not sleeping well and because he wasn't, neither was I. Even when I did get to sleep, I didn't get into a good REM cycle. By Friday night (tonight) I was going totally crazy. Really having a hard time dealing with anything. Everything that hit me felt like it was a thousand times worst then it normally would. So, when Weston came home and saw me, he said, not insisted, that I take a break. More then going out for the night. But going out for the WHOLE night. As in over night. He's standing in the bathroom, ordering me to start packing an overnight bag.

My first reaction to this notion, was NO WAY! My son isn't even quiet three months (okay one day puts it as practically) and I'm supposed to leave him alone all night? What the what?

But after taking a nap I woke up feeling like it was actually a good idea. I started to pack a bag. However, it took me almost an entire hour to pack. For one person. For one night. An hour. I think I was stalling, do you? Before I left, I HAD to nurse Michael, change his diaper and get him into his PJ's. It was so hard for me to leave his side. He is so cute! His vocalizing has gotten amazing, his full range of vocals and he was cooing away when it was time for me to leave. I mean, how do you leave the cutest's baby in the world?

But I finally made it. I'm now alone, sitting in front of a computer without a son or husband to think about.

Strange. Very, very strange.

To much, to fast

In life we have a few very basic things that we worry about. Food, shelter, money. These things come almost structured in our DNA to be worried about. But as I've gotten older, I've learned that there are many other things that we are now forced to pay attention to. 200 years ago no one asked the question, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' Most people just did what their family did. Farmers, merchants, bankers, ect . . . While I admit that doesn't sound like the greatest of lives, it was simple. People didn't have the time or energy to worry like we do now. They went about their days focused on survival.

But NOW?

Now we worry about so many things, it ridiculous. The freedom of choice and the brilliance of technology have changed the way we live, and in so doing created . . . complications. Now when I wake up in the morning I have a hundred choices to make before breakfast. Do I feed the baby first thing, or should I wait until he gets fussy? Do I work out now or later? Should I check my facebook page now? Do I post something on blogger now? Should I look at my favorite news website first thing or in the afternoon? Should I watch a show while I eat breakfast, or read a book? These questions did exist a few centuries ago. But here they are, staring us in the face, forcing us to answer them.

For me, the questions that plague me are ones that are constant. What should I do with my life? Where do I go? Should I write today or practice music? Should I work-out? Should I go work for my father today or wait until tomorrow? There are so many things that are on my mind at the same time, it's a wonder I get anything done! Because with so many things that I am interested in and enjoy, I feel like I can only worry about one at a time. Example, right now I am focused on getting back into shape and working out. Because of this, it is hard for me to focus on anything else. So much of my brain is devoted to that one task, that I find it hard to focus long enough to write for NaNoWriMo, or to practice my music pieces. But the reverse it true as well. If I am focused on practicing music, there is little else that I find myself doing.

So this is my conclusion. We need to go back to a time when life was much more simple. At least, it would be nice to not have to worry about so much every day.

Don't you think?